About Me

Hi everyone! My name is Sarah, and I am a Christian, saved and sustained daily by my wonderful Savior. I am a wife to my high school sweetheart, Mitch; we got married at 19! I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, an aunt, a co-worker, and a woman that struggles with infertility. God has used this struggle to completely transform my life. I have experienced fear, hope, anxiety, compassion, trust, peace, tears, excitement, pain, laughter, and many other things that come with infertility. But most of all, I have a deeper trust and friendship with my Creator and my husband, and for this, I am forever thankful. The purpose of this blog is for me to remember the ups and downs of this trial, and how my Savior has brought me through it all. For those who have never struggled in this area, I hope this blog will help you see a glimpse into the life of someone struggling with infertility, so that you might better know how to encourage them through these difficult times. I also pray that this blog will help other women struggling in this area to know that you are not alone! There is a river of peace that is found in Christ that can help you through even the darkest of circumstances, I promise!

Sunday, December 6, 2015

7DP5DT

This third transfer has quite honestly made me not ever want to do a fertility treatment again. I have lost hope that it will ever work. We have spent thousands and thousands of dollars, watched all of our other IVF friends have their babies, and yet here I sit, 4am with a negative pregnancy test, AGAIN.

And although I know it's nearly impossible to get a positive at this point, I still go back and forth in my mind over whether this procedure worked or not. Why do I do this to myself?!?!? Why do I wake up at 4am and take a pregnancy test? Why do I cry myself to sleep over this? One minute I feel a complete peace about never experiencing pregnancy, and the next minute I'm a complete mess over another negative test. One minute I think there's no way I could love another child like I do Maddox and Madeline, but the next minute I so desperately want a big family and to give them more brothers and sisters.

Lord, I need thee every hour, including 4 in the morning while sitting on my bathroom floor.

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