About Me

Hi everyone! My name is Sarah, and I am a Christian, saved and sustained daily by my wonderful Savior. I am a wife to my high school sweetheart, Mitch; we got married at 19! I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, an aunt, a co-worker, and a woman that struggles with infertility. God has used this struggle to completely transform my life. I have experienced fear, hope, anxiety, compassion, trust, peace, tears, excitement, pain, laughter, and many other things that come with infertility. But most of all, I have a deeper trust and friendship with my Creator and my husband, and for this, I am forever thankful. The purpose of this blog is for me to remember the ups and downs of this trial, and how my Savior has brought me through it all. For those who have never struggled in this area, I hope this blog will help you see a glimpse into the life of someone struggling with infertility, so that you might better know how to encourage them through these difficult times. I also pray that this blog will help other women struggling in this area to know that you are not alone! There is a river of peace that is found in Christ that can help you through even the darkest of circumstances, I promise!

Thursday, December 31, 2015

It Takes a Village & a Second Opinion

This week has been quite the adventure!! When the end of the year rolls around, it's always a good time to reflect on the year and the highlights of what has happened. Well, I had plenty of time to think about 2015 while I was laying in a hospital bed on Tuesday for 8 hours.




















My year started out in the hospital for my D&C, and ended in the hospital for what could possibly be the best news we've heard through our whole infertility process. Long story short, after our last failed IVF cycle, we decided to seek a few different opinions from other doctors. We saw two new doctors in particular, and decided to move forward with both doctors for some various testing that they had in mind. One of the doctors seemed to think that we should do a laparoscopy on me to make sure that I did not have endometriosis. Although I have very few symptoms of this condition, it was worth having the surgery done to double check and be sure before we proceeded with any further IVF treatment. And since my deductible was covered when I had by D&C done, it was a free surgery!

Well, you rarely go into surgery with the hopes that something will be wrong, but this time, we were praying and begging God that they would find something wrong and be able to fix it. We just wanted answers! Something to pinpoint all of this on and find a solution. Well, after 6 hours of waiting, and nearly 2 hours of surgery, we got the best news we've had this whole process! The doctor found endometriosis and was able to laser off any scar tissue that he found. He gave Mitch the update while I was in the recovery room. He told Mitch that after seeing and fixing what he saw, he believes that we will now be able to get pregnant WITHOUT IVF!! Obviously, this is only the opinion of one doctor, but we are bursting with joy at the thought that this could be the answer we've been looking for all along!! We still have one more blood test that we are waiting to get the results back for next week, but this is starting to look like a really good end to our year!

Although we have spent countless dollars on a procedure that may not have been necessary, we do look back at everything we've been through and know that we have learned and grown through it all. We know that every step we have taken has led us to our beautiful children, and I would go through it all again to be Maddox and Madeline's mommy. We are praying every day that God would allow us to give them siblings, through pregnancy and another adoption!

Also, I am praising God today for the village of people He has given us! I could not have made it through this week without our friends and family! We are surrounded by so many people that love us and our children. From grandparents, to aunts and uncles, to friends that are like aunts and uncles to our children. We are so blessed and thankful for every spend the night, every meal, every hand that helped in our garage, every hand that helped change a diaper and do my dishes while I am recovering from surgery!

Here's to 2016! If the blessings are anywhere close to what they were in 2015, I know we are in for an amazing year! And even better than that, we know that if it ends up being the worst year we've ever experienced, I know that God has prepared our hearts for the good times and the bad. He is our loving help in time of need, and joyful song in time of praise!!


Wednesday, December 9, 2015

My Father Planned It All

Well, I just received official word from the doctor that this cycle failed. As if it wasn't hard enough to take 7 negative pregnancy tests, they also have to confirm with blood work that I'm in fact, not pregnant.

As hard as this is, we're not going to give up. We are going to continue to pray, and seek every means possible to expand our family. I fully believe that God will allow me to experience pregnancy at some point in my life, and that He will also bless us with another adoption down the road. It's actually really amazing me that I have this much hope today. I still have moments of extreme sadness over our situation, but I feel like the best is yet to come for our family.

God has given us so much! And I have no doubt that He will continue to bless us, even through some very hard trials. A sweet friend messaged me first thing this morning that she was praying for us as she listened to My Father Planned It All. So I pull up the song on my phone to listen again, and I just sobbed in the car. It's so comforting that we have a God that comforts us through shade and sunshine, and I am forever thankful for the people that pray for us and love us through these difficult times!

P.S- Times like these make me that much more thankful for or precious children! I am so looking forward to the days ahead where we get to spend our first Christmas with them!! As sad as I am that we won't be announcing a pregnancy this Christmas, I am so excited that our babies have a mommy and daddy this Christmas, and that we have them!!! Best gift I could ask for ❤️


Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Fighting for my children

Well, today was another day that started out with a negative pregnancy test. This failed IVF cycle has affected us just as much, if not more than my miscarriage. It makes us wonder why? Why were we given such high probability of having a baby, and it still hasn't happened? Why is our case of infertility such a mystery to our doctors that have been doing this for years? There really is no explanation for why. All we can do from here is fight for our children and move forward.

I spent all day today calling other offices, researching other doctors and their success rates, and cuddling our sweet children! I could not get through a day like today without them! A friend texted me today and reminded me that this journey of infertility is just one way that us mommy's fight for our children, it just happens to be before they exist. Just like I would do anything for Maddox and Madeline, I will endure the emotional battle and treatments and hours of prayer that it takes for our future children.

I spent at least an hour this morning praying that God would help us know if fighting for a baby is the right thing to do. It's hard to know whether we should just give up, or if we should continue fighting. I think after prayer and a lot of talking and research, we are going to seek other options with two different doctors. We will take our time making any appointments for treatment, but we plan to go to two seminars and open houses to help us get as much info as we can go make an informed decision.

As much as a day like today makes me ask God why? It also makes me remember that He knows exactly what He's doing, and our babies are a constant reminder of that!

Sunday, December 6, 2015

7DP5DT

This third transfer has quite honestly made me not ever want to do a fertility treatment again. I have lost hope that it will ever work. We have spent thousands and thousands of dollars, watched all of our other IVF friends have their babies, and yet here I sit, 4am with a negative pregnancy test, AGAIN.

And although I know it's nearly impossible to get a positive at this point, I still go back and forth in my mind over whether this procedure worked or not. Why do I do this to myself?!?!? Why do I wake up at 4am and take a pregnancy test? Why do I cry myself to sleep over this? One minute I feel a complete peace about never experiencing pregnancy, and the next minute I'm a complete mess over another negative test. One minute I think there's no way I could love another child like I do Maddox and Madeline, but the next minute I so desperately want a big family and to give them more brothers and sisters.

Lord, I need thee every hour, including 4 in the morning while sitting on my bathroom floor.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

2DP5DT

2DP5DT is something I never thought I would understand the meaning to. I didn't think when we got married, or first started trying to have a baby that I would end up knowing every fertility word and acronym there was to know. Basically this means, two days past a five day transfer, which is exactly what today is for me.

I had my third IVF transfer on Sunday. We transferred two healthy embryos! This means that or chance of pregnancy are higher, but also our chances for another set of twins is higher too!! How cool would that be? Two sets of twins!

I forgot how hard this waiting process was though!!! The earliest I can test for pregnancy is 6dp5dt, which is still 4 days away! Or pretty much only 3 if you consider the fact that today is pretty much over ;)

Praying for these two sweet embryos to find a comfy place to call home for the next 8-9 months! I will be so excited to see our first children become siblings to another baby. They already have the cutest interactions ever, so I can't even imagine how precious it would be to see 3 or 4 of our children altogether!!

I know that God is good, whether I end up pregnant or not, and that is why I can close my eyes and sleep peacefully tonight.

I love all of our children!! Our 4 previous embryos that didn't survive, our first little snowflake that we never got to hold, the two embryos that are hopefully settling in as I type, and our two biggest blessings, Maddox and Madeline!!! My cup overflows!


-mommy