About Me

Hi everyone! My name is Sarah, and I am a Christian, saved and sustained daily by my wonderful Savior. I am a wife to my high school sweetheart, Mitch; we got married at 19! I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, an aunt, a co-worker, and a woman that struggles with infertility. God has used this struggle to completely transform my life. I have experienced fear, hope, anxiety, compassion, trust, peace, tears, excitement, pain, laughter, and many other things that come with infertility. But most of all, I have a deeper trust and friendship with my Creator and my husband, and for this, I am forever thankful. The purpose of this blog is for me to remember the ups and downs of this trial, and how my Savior has brought me through it all. For those who have never struggled in this area, I hope this blog will help you see a glimpse into the life of someone struggling with infertility, so that you might better know how to encourage them through these difficult times. I also pray that this blog will help other women struggling in this area to know that you are not alone! There is a river of peace that is found in Christ that can help you through even the darkest of circumstances, I promise!

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Love at First Sight

Babies,

April 10, 2015 is a day that we will NEVER forget! We had received a phone call 11 days earlier that we had officially been chosen to adopt you! Because of scheduling and paperwork, we had to wait 11 whole days before we could get our hands on you. This was torture!! We had such a crazy amount of love for you, and we had never even met you. At this point, all we had received was 1 picture of each of you! It was about an hour after we received the phone call that our case worker sent me an email with 2 photos attached. I was filling up my drink at Firehouse Subs when the email came in. I have never been more excited in my entire life, I'm pretty sure the entire restaurant knew something was up. So these two pictures were all we had to go on for 11 days, and I'm telling you, I examined every tiny detail of these pictures. I will never forget them!


11 long days went by, and the morning was finally here that we got to meet you!! We were literally busting at the seams with excitement and all we wanted to do was hug you and kiss you and snuggle you and never let you go. I was trying really hard not to focus on the fact that this first visit would only be 1 hour long, and then we would have to let you go. Thankfully, you lived with the best foster parents ever, and they let us visit you whenever we wanted up until the day you moved in!

I had so many emotions going on in my head on the drive over to meet you. I was so excited, and also just completely in awe of God's goodness, and how His ways are so much higher than mine. I remembered back to a poem that I had written to you called "Someone I'd Never Met",

And sometimes if I close my eyes
I see it all so clear.
Anticipation fills the room
The day was finally here.
I got to hold you in my arms,
No longer did I miss,
This baby that I longed to meet,
And finally got to kiss.

That day will be an answered prayer
I never will forget.
The day I finally get to meet
Someone I’d never met.

I was weeping in the car as I remember when I was writing that poem, that I pictured myself meeting you in a hospital bed, just like every other mom. But I never imagined in a million years that the first time I would hold you would be in a condo on beachside at the home of 70 year old foster parents just a few weeks after finishing adoption class. It completely just blew my mind how God had worked it all out. He took what I thought would be a day of answered prayer and He knocked it out of the park! He took what I pictured would be a day that I would hold and kiss one baby, and He gave me TWO! And even as I'm writing this out, my heart is exploding with joy remembering that day. I would not change it for the world. I am so incredibly thankful for the beautiful and unique way that we met you both for the first time, and it is a day we will never ever forget!

Here are a few highlights from some of our first visits with you!

First family photo!!!
Daddy's first diaper change

Maddox snuggles on Day 1!
Madeline's first bath time with us!
First bath time with Maddox!
First story time with mommy and daddy!

Madeline and Daddy's favorite book
First family selfie :)



Friday, August 7, 2015

Adoption & Pregnancy

Babies,

I just have a few things on my mind that I wanted to share with you. I know they won't make sense to you now, but hopefully you will be able to read this one day and see a little bit of your momma's heart. There are a couple things that are very common for people to say to me now that we've adopted you.

1. "Oh, now that you've adopted, you'll get pregnant for sure!"

2. "Congrats on your adoption, but please know that I'm still praying for you to have your own baby one day."

Without even realizing it, people can say very hurtful things. This is where you have to learn how to have grace and understanding. Most people we come across have not experienced adoption, so they are just saying things based on what they see, not on what they have personally experienced. I was talking to one of our adopted momma friends, and she told me that at times, we have to learn how to have a "graceful bite". What this means is, we are able to gracefully explain how someone is hurting us with their words, while understanding that they didn't mean to. If we just go on without ever explaining our hurt, it will continue to happen, and others will never have been given the opportunity to truly understand why their words are hurtful.

I want to answer these two statements for a couple of reasons. One of them is, I know that people are not trying to be hurtful when they say either one of those things. And secondly, I want both of you to know how much I love you, regardless of where you came from.

My first thought about the pregnant comment is, it's not true. We have known about you and loved you both for 6 months now, and yet, we are still not pregnant. Adoption is not what causes a pregnancy, not in the least bit. While this might happen for some people, it's not true for everyone. And if someone does know a couple that did get pregnant after an adoption, it wasn't because they adopted, it's because God chose to begin a new life within them at that given time. Adoption is not a secret access door into pregnancy. Adoption is not a step you take to get to the final end result of pregnancy. Adoption is the most beautiful thing we have ever experienced, and we would never view it as a means to somehow get pregnant. Making this statement diminishes the adoption itself, and elevates the goal of getting pregnant. It's as if someone is saying, you've earned 2nd place, now you'll get the 1st place prize for sure next time! Maddox and Madeline, you are our first place prize! I could not imagine being a first time mommy to any other child. You are my dream come true, my answered prayer, and my completely unexpected blessings!

Secondly, when people tell me that they are still praying for me to have my "own" baby, or if they say, "do you still want to try and have your own baby one day?". This can be really hurtful, because I already have TWO of my own babies! You are my own!! Every single thing about you is my own. Your morning giggles are all mine! Your night time snuggles are mine to keep! Every birthday you will ever celebrate will be with me and daddy! There is absolutely nothing about you that is not my "own". God has let us borrow you for the perfect amount of time here on Earth, and I do pray that He allows us to give you many brothers and sisters one day. Whether they come from my belly, or someone else's, all of our children will be our own! Maybe the better question to ask, or prayer to pray would be, "When will you have your NEXT child?" or just simply pray that God would bless us with several children.

I can honestly say that my heart desires a healthy pregnancy one day, and another adoption. I cannot imagine my life without adopting another child. I pray that by the time you are reading this and understanding it, that you will be surrounded by your brothers and sisters, and that you will never ever doubt for one second the amount of love I have for you!!!

-mommy