About Me

Hi everyone! My name is Sarah, and I am a Christian, saved and sustained daily by my wonderful Savior. I am a wife to my high school sweetheart, Mitch; we got married at 19! I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, an aunt, a co-worker, and a woman that struggles with infertility. God has used this struggle to completely transform my life. I have experienced fear, hope, anxiety, compassion, trust, peace, tears, excitement, pain, laughter, and many other things that come with infertility. But most of all, I have a deeper trust and friendship with my Creator and my husband, and for this, I am forever thankful. The purpose of this blog is for me to remember the ups and downs of this trial, and how my Savior has brought me through it all. For those who have never struggled in this area, I hope this blog will help you see a glimpse into the life of someone struggling with infertility, so that you might better know how to encourage them through these difficult times. I also pray that this blog will help other women struggling in this area to know that you are not alone! There is a river of peace that is found in Christ that can help you through even the darkest of circumstances, I promise!

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

The Beauty and Misery of Mother's Day

Last year on Mother's Day, I sat in the sanctuary of the church I have attended my entire life, and I felt like an outcast. That day was a flat out, crappy day. I sat there and wept the entire service, as I watched baby after baby after baby being dedicated on stage. I looked around the room at the massive amount of pregnant friends that surrounded me, and yet the giant neon sign I wore around my neck still said, "NOT PREGNANT".

It took every ounce of strength I had to sit through the entire sermon about how wonderful it is to be a mother, and how you should honor your mother, and how one of God's greatest gifts to women is being a mother. Needless to say, this was not my most God-honoring Sunday morning.

Then a few months passed, November came, and finally, I was pregnant. One of my first thoughts was how adorable I would look, 30 weeks pregnant, on Mother's Day! Well, God had different plans. Now I'm sitting here, four days away from Mother's Day, and once again, not pregnant. But, never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I would be celebrating this Mother's Day with my two beautiful adopted children. I still repeat over and over in my mind, "the Lord's ways are higher than mine."

Now, this is not something that I was easily repeating to myself as I was miscarrying our first baby in our guest bathroom on Thanksgiving night. Nor was it a verse that I was easily repeating to myself as I laid in a hospital bed, preparing for my D&C. And it's still not a verse that I can easily repeat to myself as I continue to make payments for a baby I never got to hold. But, it is a verse that brings me comfort in hindsight as I look back at what the Lord has done. If I hadn't lost our first sweet baby, I wouldn't be snuggling our two children on Mother's Day this year, and I cannot imagine Maddox and Madeline spending that day with any other momma! That doesn't necessarily make the loss any easier, but it does show me that God's ways are truly higher than mine. And it gives me confidence when I see others mourn the loss of a child. It gives me peace and strength to know that God will answer my prayers for others that are suffering and in pain. Although it might not be in my time table, or theirs, God is faithful, and our children are a constant reminder of that.

The beauty of Mother's Day is that it is a day to honor and celebrate a wonderful gift that God has allowed us to experience on this earth. It is a day that I can now rejoice in, and a day that reminds me of the faithfulness of my Savior in allowing me to mother my children on this earth. But, the misery of Mother's Day is that there are some that ache very badly on this day. There are some that are only Mothers in their hearts and have never experienced motherhood. There are some that are Mother's to children they never got to hold, that are now at the feet of Jesus. There are some that ache the loss of their own mother or grandmother. And there are some that have experienced all of these things. I've had women tell me that each year when Mother's Day comes, they mourn and miss their baby that they lost decades earlier. This is not a pain that will ever go away, even with the birth or adoption of new child. But as moms, we can have confidence in knowing that our babies in Heaven are experiencing a Mother's Day like none other! And if we put our faith and trust in the Lord, we will celebrate our Savior in eternity with them!

I pray that I will never be so wrapped up in myself, or my children, or my own mom on Mothers Day, that I forget to pray for all of the women that are struggling and in pain. As difficult as it is to weep with those who weep while you are rejoicing, it is our responsibility as believers. It is our responsibility to help carry the burdens of others; to pray for them, and encourage them. So, this Mother's Day, and every Mother's Day, please consider any friends you might have that are struggling with infertility, or the loss of a child, or the loss of their mother. Please pray for them, encourage them, and do whatever you can to point them to Christ, even when it's difficult. That doesn't mean you can't rejoice in your own motherhood, or for your own mother, but even a simple prayer, text, call, or message to someone struggling can change their whole day.

The past two years of my life have been spent trying to rejoice with those that were rejoicing, while I was weeping about my own circumstance. Now, the tables have turned. I am in a constant state of rejoicing over the sweet children God has blessed us with, but I am still surrounded by others that are weeping. I am praying constantly that I would be able to gracefully obey the command to weep with those who weep, even while I am rejoicing. I am praying that part of me will never forget what it was like to be overwhelmed with heartbreak on Mother's Day, that way I can better relate to, and encourage those that are also heartbroken year after year.

Essentially, my reflection on this holiday is- Rejoice with those that are Mother's to children on this Earth, and weep with those that are Mother's to children in Heaven. And even when I have no clue how to do both at the same time, I pray that God would give me strength and comfort me as I rejoice and comfort others.