About Me

Hi everyone! My name is Sarah, and I am a Christian, saved and sustained daily by my wonderful Savior. I am a wife to my high school sweetheart, Mitch; we got married at 19! I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, an aunt, a co-worker, and a woman that struggles with infertility. God has used this struggle to completely transform my life. I have experienced fear, hope, anxiety, compassion, trust, peace, tears, excitement, pain, laughter, and many other things that come with infertility. But most of all, I have a deeper trust and friendship with my Creator and my husband, and for this, I am forever thankful. The purpose of this blog is for me to remember the ups and downs of this trial, and how my Savior has brought me through it all. For those who have never struggled in this area, I hope this blog will help you see a glimpse into the life of someone struggling with infertility, so that you might better know how to encourage them through these difficult times. I also pray that this blog will help other women struggling in this area to know that you are not alone! There is a river of peace that is found in Christ that can help you through even the darkest of circumstances, I promise!

Thursday, January 29, 2015

"Pregnant" but not really "Pregnant"

The most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with in my life is the loss of our first baby. But, when I knew this was happening, all I prayed was for God to let it be an easy miscarriage. Lord, please just let this pass quickly and let my body go back to normal. Every day for 66 days now, I've been praying that my body would go back to its pre-pregnancy levels. Every week I've had to go back for blood work, and every week the results are the same "still pregnant", but not really "pregnant".

Basically, even 66 days after the loss of our baby, my body is still registering the pregnancy hormone. But clearly, I am not carrying a baby anymore. I could pee on a stick right now, today, and see two pink lines. The same two pink lines that I used to dream about, now mean nothing. All it means is confusion. My body is in a state of confusion. Even the nurse that called me today said that I am "setting a record" for the length of time this is taking to go back down to 0.

Up until today, I've been extremely patient about this process. I actually haven't complained about having to go for blood work once a week, and we've been so busy working on our adoption profile and classes that I haven't even really had much time to think about it. We still pray about it every day. We pray that these levels would go back to 0, and that we would be able to continue treatment and maybe even have two babies at once, our pregnancy baby and our adopted baby, equally in love with both.

But today, I'm mad. Today, I'm frustrated and upset and confused, and I just don't understand why it's taking THIS long. When I went in for blood work this morning, I was expecting great results. I was praying all day that the nurse would call me with fantastic news. I should have known that wasn't going to happen. Sometimes, I just want God to sit me down, and write out my future for me, and explain to me what in the world He's doing. Today is one of those days.

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain.


Thursday, January 22, 2015

Abba! Father!

Baby,

This past week has been quite the emotional roller coaster. A week ago, I spent almost the entire day thinking about our first baby. We would have known by now if they were a boy or a girl. I could have started decorating the nursery by now. But, God had other plans. As much as I was missing our first baby, last week was filled with excitement too. We officially submitted our application to adopt a baby! We could not be more excited!! It is a really awesome experience to know that we have so much to look forward to, and we are so eager for God to surprise us with His plan for our lives!

Without boring you with the details, we ran into a bump in the road a couple days ago. We received a phone call that we thought was going to put our adoption process on hold. We prayed for God to reveal to us His plan through all of this. We prayed that if we did move forward, that the Lord would provide financially for this adoption, in ways we never dreamed of. We also prayed that if this was God's way of having us hold off, that we would feel a peace about our decision either way. Somehow, in the middle of this anxious waiting, I started reading Romans 8. This is probably one of the chapters in the Bible that I've read the most throughout my life, but sometimes, the Lord reveals new things in His word that pertain to whatever situation you are going through.

I read the entire chapter, but I was completely hung up on verse 15. I could not get it out of my head.

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!"
-Romans 8:15

Just like we want our adopted child one day to love us, and trust us; God wants me to trust Him! He has adopted me! I have absolutely no reason to be afraid, to live in a spirit of fear. I have the greatest adopted Father there is!

We spent two full days praying about this bump in the road, praying that God would take away our fear and anxiety. Praying that He would show us clearly what our next step should be. As we were laying in bed last night praying, I got a text, at 10:16pm. Not only did God answer our prayer, but He made it abundantly clear that we are moving in the right direction! The bump is gone! 

That's not to say there wont be other bumps in the road. I am confident that this is not the last one we will experience. But more so, I am confident that I can cry out, "Abba! Father!" and one way or another, my adopted Father is going to make His plan evident in my life!

We are praying every day that we get to experience the joy of adoption and pregnancy! We cannot wait to see what God has in store for us!! We love you!

-mommy

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Oh The Places You Went

Oh the places you went
In those 21 days
We covered so much
In your short little stay

Of course on the list
Was Chip and Joanna
We laughed in excitement
Right next to G-momma

Then later that night
The Cowboys would play
We watched on the sofa
With your Pappa-J

You met Lainey and Fitz,
Amelia and Jude,
And London's first birthday
Came right on day two

Oh the places you went
A favorite of mine
Me, you, and daddy
Watched the sun rise

Then sat by the fire
So scared and afraid
We thought we might lose you
We cried there, and prayed

Then a trip to the fair
As a family of three
And a wedding of friends
In ole Tennessee

Oh the places you went
The most precious of all
You woke up one morning
Not with me at all

For the very first time
You saw without me
A sight so much greater
Then ever I've seen

I can't wait to see
What your little eyes saw
The morning you woke up
Not with me at all

I promise one day that
When you and I meet
We'll both be forever
At Jesus' feet



First positive test!!!

Dallas game with Pappa-J
The moment before you made me a Mommy 
Ultrasound at your earliest stage of life! Our two sweet embryos!
London's First Birthday!
Wedding in Tennessee!
Watching the sunrise with Daddy

Sitting by the fire with Daddy
Fair trip with Mommy and Daddy!

Chip and Joanna!


Tuesday, January 6, 2015

G-momma

Baby, 

A funny thought just crossed my mind
While tucking you in bed
I sound just like my momma did
When I was just a kid

If I take away the bag too soon
You’ll look at me in sorrow,
“The chips you eat today,
Are the chips you won’t have tomorrow.”

And if you give excuses,
About what happened on the swing,
“There’s never a right time
To do the wrong thing.”

“Obeying is a matter
Of the heart”, you’ll hear me say
Without any hesitation,
You should, “Obey right away.”

If things don’t go just as you planned
Please know, “One day you’ll understand”
And if you’ve had an awful day
You’ll hear me sing, “Trust and Obey”

No matter what the trial is
The most important rhyme,
Don’t ever let your heart forget
 “God is good. All the time.”

And if one day when you grow up
You sound a lot like me
Please pass along these little rhymes
From G-momma and me



You might not understand this one right away, but I promise, one day you will. Everyone that knows your G-momma knows that she always likes to come up with little motto's and rhymes. I can't wait for you to meet her!!

-mommy

Thursday, January 1, 2015

A Place of Abundance

Baby,

I have a few friends that are extra special to me. One in particular has gone through the same situation that daddy and I are going through. This friend ALWAYS encourages me. I know that she has been on her knees for me, and I am so thankful for the perfect little place God created for her in my life. I got such a sweet reminder from her yesterday, and this is a reminder I hope to carry with me forever.

Psalm 66:10-12

For you, O God, have tested us;
You have tried us as silver is tried.
You brought us into the net;
You laid a crushing burden on our backs;
You let men ride over our heads;
We went through fire and through water;
YET YOU HAVE BROUGHT US OUT TO A PLACE OF ABUNDANCE!


Her prayer for us this year is that God would bring us to a place of abundance, and that is our prayer as well! But as I was thinking about this prayer, it made me question what a place of abundance would really look like. 

Would I only be content if our family grows? Is my version of a "place of abundance" only complete if there are children in the picture? How quickly will this place of abundance be seen in my life?

Then it hit me. My place of abundance comes when Jesus is my portion. When I realize that He is all I need. When I trust that He will sustain me through fire and water, and when I cling so tight to Him that the world becomes strangely dim.

I would absolutely love if my place of abundance was also filled with children, and a lifetime of marriage to your daddy, growing old together in our home. And if my place of abundance was filled with family and friends, and my life-long church, and good health. But, that is my version of abundance. What I want more than my version of abundance, is for God to bring me to that place, because I'm confident that His version is far better than mine!

I am praying every day that God's version of abundance in my life would include meeting you, and holding you, and loving on you, and teaching you all of these life lessons. But if for some reason, that isn't in His plan, and I leave this world before I ever have a child, I know that I have a snowflake that I will get to meet at the feet of Jesus!

-mommy