About Me

Hi everyone! My name is Sarah, and I am a Christian, saved and sustained daily by my wonderful Savior. I am a wife to my high school sweetheart, Mitch; we got married at 19! I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, an aunt, a co-worker, and a woman that struggles with infertility. God has used this struggle to completely transform my life. I have experienced fear, hope, anxiety, compassion, trust, peace, tears, excitement, pain, laughter, and many other things that come with infertility. But most of all, I have a deeper trust and friendship with my Creator and my husband, and for this, I am forever thankful. The purpose of this blog is for me to remember the ups and downs of this trial, and how my Savior has brought me through it all. For those who have never struggled in this area, I hope this blog will help you see a glimpse into the life of someone struggling with infertility, so that you might better know how to encourage them through these difficult times. I also pray that this blog will help other women struggling in this area to know that you are not alone! There is a river of peace that is found in Christ that can help you through even the darkest of circumstances, I promise!

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Just a Closer Walk With Thee

Baby,

Today was a scary day, filled with fear, then relief, but I still feel anxious and nervous that there could be something wrong with you. And the hardest part is, there is nothing I can do to help you. So thankful that even when I'm unable to help you, I can pray. I can run to the feet of Jesus and pray.

Long story short, this morning, as daddy and I were texting about all of the things we were so excited about, I went to the bathroom to take my morning medicine. And there it was, blood. The scariest thing that I pregnant woman can see. The one thing I didn't think I was going to have to see again for a very very long time. My heart immediately dropped. I called daddy to let him know, and then called the doctor right away. The nurse told me to get my feet up as quickly as I could, and she would talk to the doctor and call me back. So my first thought was to lay on the ground asap. I laid on the bathroom floor and propped my feet up on the toilet. I didn't even care that I was laying on a bathroom floor.

There I was, 10 days after I got the best news of my life, laying on a bathroom floor, surrounded with fear. Just 8 days after I had taken a positive pregnancy test in this same bathroom stall just for the heck of it. It was 57 minutes before the nurse called me back. 57 long minutes, laying on the floor of my work bathroom. I spent those 57 minutes texting daddy, and multiple other people that I knew would pray for me and for you. And for some reason, in those 57 minutes, there was a song that popped into my head that I just couldn't erase.


Just a closer walk with Thee,
Grant it, Jesus, is my plea,
Daily walking close to Thee,
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.

Jesus doesn't want me to stray too far away from him now that I'm pregnant. He wants me to stay close, every single day. I want to rely on Him and His promises. His promise that He will never leave me, and He will do everything in my life for my good, even if those things don't make sense at the time.

57 minutes felt like an eternity, but that was exactly the amount of time that God needed to remind me to stay close to Him. My plea, laying on that bathroom floor, was to have a closer walk with Jesus through this entire journey. The nurse called, and said they wanted me to come in for blood work to check and see if my hormone levels were going up appropriately. They drew my blood around 9:40, and told me they would call by 1:00 with the results. They wanted my level to be at least 700-800, but even more was better. At 11:58, the nurse called to tell me that my level was at 1591!!! At this point, all the bleeding had stopped, and the nurses and doctors feel confident that the bleeding is just a reaction from the medication I am on, and that everything with the pregnancy is perfectly fine. 

As ecstatic as I am that the results came back better than expected, I still just have an uneasy feeling. As a mommy, I want to do everything I can to protect you, and make sure you are okay, and I just feel a bit helpless right now. But, as helpless as I feel, I know that through every trial and bump in the road, it brings me closer and closer to my Savior, and that is always a safe place to be!

Praying with every ounce in me!

-mommy 

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