I struggle finding the words to type. It's hard to explain the emotion that comes with carrying a baby thats no longer alive. I'm not sure how many more days it will be until I experience the physical side of this painful situation, and although it's too difficult to explain all of the thoughts that go through my mind, I'm going to try and scratch the surface.
I have two main thoughts. One, I miss you. I just flat out miss you. Two, I am so overwhelmingly glad that you are going to spend eternity in Heaven, and that you will never have to face any evil in this world. Those are two very difficult emotions to combine.
I miss feeling like I was your home. I miss the excitement that came with random crying and laughing at the thought of seeing your sweet smile. I miss referring to "us" when I talked to daddy. (Don't worry though, I told daddy every day that you were with me that "we" loved him so much!) I miss the countdown of days until I knew if you were a boy or a girl. I miss the way my face hurt because I just could not stop smiling. I just miss you.
But at the exact same time, I have a peace that is completely unexplainable. I cannot put into words how much peace has come over me these past couple days. We have been showered with love by our family and friends. We have been given a peace by God that truly does surpass all understanding. We have complete peace in knowing that Heaven is your home, and it's all you'll ever know.
It is such a sweet thing to know that the only thing you will ever have to experience is the glory of Heaven. You will never have to know sin, or pain, or hurt. You will only ever know what it is like to literally sit at the feet of Jesus and be in the presence of an eternity with no sin. It is such a comforting thought to know that daddy and I will join you one day!
In the meantime, we will be forever thankful for the 21 days that we got with you. You made us a mommy and daddy, and you have changed our lives forever. I love you so much, and not a day will go by that I don't think of you and miss you.
- Hi everyone! My name is Sarah, and I am a Christian, saved and sustained daily by my wonderful Savior. I am a wife to my high school sweetheart, Mitch; we got married at 19! I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, an aunt, a co-worker, and a woman that struggles with infertility. God has used this struggle to completely transform my life. I have experienced fear, hope, anxiety, compassion, trust, peace, tears, excitement, pain, laughter, and many other things that come with infertility. But most of all, I have a deeper trust and friendship with my Creator and my husband, and for this, I am forever thankful. The purpose of this blog is for me to remember the ups and downs of this trial, and how my Savior has brought me through it all. For those who have never struggled in this area, I hope this blog will help you see a glimpse into the life of someone struggling with infertility, so that you might better know how to encourage them through these difficult times. I also pray that this blog will help other women struggling in this area to know that you are not alone! There is a river of peace that is found in Christ that can help you through even the darkest of circumstances, I promise!