About Me

Hi everyone! My name is Sarah, and I am a Christian, saved and sustained daily by my wonderful Savior. I am a wife to my high school sweetheart, Mitch; we got married at 19! I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, an aunt, a co-worker, and a woman that struggles with infertility. God has used this struggle to completely transform my life. I have experienced fear, hope, anxiety, compassion, trust, peace, tears, excitement, pain, laughter, and many other things that come with infertility. But most of all, I have a deeper trust and friendship with my Creator and my husband, and for this, I am forever thankful. The purpose of this blog is for me to remember the ups and downs of this trial, and how my Savior has brought me through it all. For those who have never struggled in this area, I hope this blog will help you see a glimpse into the life of someone struggling with infertility, so that you might better know how to encourage them through these difficult times. I also pray that this blog will help other women struggling in this area to know that you are not alone! There is a river of peace that is found in Christ that can help you through even the darkest of circumstances, I promise!

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Advice- To Give or Not to Give

Out of the kindness of my heart, I feel the need to share some thoughts and things that I have learned over the past year of my life. In no way shape or form are these thoughts meant to be hurtful, but they are meant to attempt to paint a real picture of what goes on in the life and minds of someone struggling with infertility.

I also want to say that I have been encouraged over this last year by so many different types of people. People that also struggle with infertility. People that pop out babies once a year. People that have never had children, and people that haven't had children for decades. I have learned a very important thing that goes beyond just my struggle with infertility. As Christians, we are required to comfort those around us, whether we have ever experienced what they are going through or not. I cannot begin to explain what a blessing it is to me that some of my most faithful friends during this trial have been ones that have never had to think about infertility.

I know that I won't be sharing this blog until after we are pregnant, but I wanted to write these thoughts down to help anyone that reads it understand, to some degree, what we're going through. And also, to help myself when I look back at this over the years. If and when God blesses us with a child, I do NOT want to forget these feelings. I want to be able to be a warrior for those other women who are struggling. I want the things I've learned through this trial to stay with me forever, and in light of that, I'll write them down, or should I say, type them up :)

These are in no particular order:

1. Sometimes, it's okay to just listen.

            Sometimes, I think people think that they always have to have an answer, or a piece of advice, or a scripture, or a saying to fill in the silence in a conversation. But sometimes, all I want is silence. Sometimes, I just want to be able to say what's on my mind, and know that someone is listening.

2. Don't give fertility advice, unless you are a fertility doctor.

             There is a slight exception to this statement. You can give advice if you have gone through the same procedure that the person is going through, and your advice is asked for. But when someone struggling with infertility is sharing their heart with you, do not give the following advice:

              - "Just stop stressing, and it will happen"
              - "As soon as you relax, that's when you'll get pregnant"
              - "Have you tried this particular sex position?"
              - "I bet if you adopt, you'll get pregnant right away too"
              - "Just try not to think about"
              - "You can just take my kids!"
              - "At least you get to sleep every night"

3. Infertility is a disease. 

              This partially goes along with #2. Because most people are shy about their infertility, or because it's just not a widely understood area, it's difficult for people to truly understand. Our case of infertility specifically is a disease. It is just like cancer, or heart disease, or any other type of disease that requires medical treatment. Therefore, advice to just "relax" or "stop stressing" is not helpful.

4. Don't be Eliphaz!

               This might be the most hurtful thing you can do to someone struggling with infertility. Just like Eliphaz did to Job, he accused him of secret sin, which was the only way he could justify God's hard providence in Job's life. It is never appropriate to accuse someone of secret sin as a cause of their infertility. To illustrate this, I have to quote my all time favorite poem, The Misery of Job and The Mercy of God,

"No, no my child, to cleanse
An upright heart of toxic stains
With searing irons is not like chains
Laid on the soul in penalty
For guile and crimes no one can see.
No, they were wrong. And kindly has
The Lord rebuked good Eliphaz,
And I have prayed for him, and all 
Is well. You see, their minds were small,
And they could not see painful times
Apart from dark and hidden crimes.
Beware, Jemimah, God is kind,
In ways that will not fit your mind."


5. If you are pregnant and talking to someone that is struggling with infertility, do not complain about your pregnancy.

                It took quite a bit of self control to not bold and capitalize every word in that one. I cannot even being to describe how hurtful it is to hear about how much it sucks to be pregnant. Or how it sucks to be nauseous. Or how much it sucks to have blood drawn, or how miserable it is to have a baby bump because you can't fit into any of your clothes. Or how difficult the last couple weeks of pregnancy is because, "it's just so hard to wait". I know that I could get an "amen" from every women struggling with infertility, that we would GLADLY trade nausea, blood work, glucose test, baby belly's, stretch marks, etc, for the empty womb that we've been given.

**I know that these comments are not meant to be hurtful, but they are**

6. A text, call, or letter can change someone's day.

                 Figured I should follow up that last one with one that is a bit more positive. Over the past year of my life, I could probably specifically name to you the people that have consistently texted or called me. There are some people that I know without a shadow of a doubt, I will get a call or text from them for every doctors appointment I have, on Mother's Day, or even just to check in on me. I CANNOT express how much this means. It can completely change my day. I have also received 3 letters in the mail over the past year, and those letters, I will never forget.

7. PRAY.

                Pray with your infertile friend. Pray for your infertile friend. Tell your infertile friend that you are praying! I remember a specific day, a few months ago, within a matter of 10 minutes, I had 6 different people text or call to tell me that they had been praying for us that morning. That is a LOT of prayer, and it is SO appreciated. Just to know that we have people begging God on our behalf is so encouraging, and even better, when people pray with us, it means so much.


This is by no means a full list of things that I am feeling, or have felt since our struggle with infertility began. But, I do think it is a good list and sums up a few key issues that I never want to forget. I wanted to end by saying that none of these things are meant to hurt anyone. We do truly know that everyone we speak to means well. I also know that this is an awkward situation, and most people don't know what to say, which is why I wanted to type this blog. We love you all, and cannot wait for the day that we can all rejoice in the blessing of our child!

- a future mommy, filled with hope


Friday, July 25, 2014

Daddy

It’s hard to pick a favorite one,
But this one might be mine.
This story holds a special place,
Within the sands of time.
This story fills my heart with joy,
And makes me reminisce
About the way God used my life
To show His providence.

There was a boy that caught my eye,
I never will forget.
On New Year’s Eve 2005,
Our stage began to set.
We hit it off right from the start,
He always made me smile.
But then came days of frustration,
That lasted for a while.

He prayed and prayed and never stopped,
He waited for my heart.
And then one day it all made sense;
He loved me from the start.
His patience stood the test of time
His love, it only grew.
He won my heart like no one else,
Then finally said, “I do.”

Our greatest days were yet to come,
The world we longed to see.
Then after we had settled down,
We wanted to be three.
The path to three was simple, right?
It wouldn’t take too long.
We quickly learned that this assumption,
Couldn’t be more wrong.

The path was longer than we thought
And full of tests and trials.
But on that road I barely walked,
This man, he ran for miles.
And even in the toughest times,
His patience wins the race.
His goal has always been the same;
A smile on my face.

I can’t imagine life without
This selfless, patient man.
That’s why I love to think about
Just how it all began.
You might hear mommy call him “babe”
Or maybe even “baby”
But I can’t wait to see his face
The day you call him “daddy”

Monday, July 14, 2014

42

Baby,

Days like this make this whole process that much more difficult. Since we started trying to have you, 42 people have announced their pregnancy. This is the biggest baby boom I've ever seen in my life. I am completely SURROUNDED by pregnancy. It's days like this that make me want to lay in bed all day and cry for myself and for your daddy. It's days like this that I question if God is even listening to my prayers. It's days like this that make me feel like God is answering our prayers on other people. It's days like this that bring me to the end of myself.

It's not that I wish these women weren't pregnant. Its just that I wish there were 43 pregnant women. I wish I was one of them.

I know deep down that God knows the exact number of people that will give birth before me. I know that God knows exactly what my future holds, and why He is prolonging this process. I know that God has a perfect reason for all of my "whys?". But I also know that He doesn't owe me an explanation. He doesn't owe me a baby. He doesn't owe me anything. That's a tough pill to swallow sometimes.

I pray that one day all of this would make sense. That I would be able to look back and understand why all of this is happening. But I also pray that if it never makes sense, that I would still praise God through it all.

-mommy