I want to start off by saying this has been a really good month for me. Since this whole journey, I feel like this is my best month (so far). I have been able to talk about things without crying, which is a big step forward. I really think God is helping me through this one day at a time.
One thing I have learned through all of this though, is that Facebook is a fertile place. Facebook is a place where people go to shout the joys of their pregnancies (which I hope and pray I can do one day). I struggled with this a lot in the beginning and especially each time that one of my 21 friends announced their pregnancy. But now a whole new struggle has come. Not only did I have to watch 21 people announce their pregnancies, I now am having to watch sonogram pictures, and baby bumps, and nursery decorations, and gender reveals. I get to see women talk about their morning sickness, and swelling, and doctors visits, and nausea. None of which have been posted by me. (By the way, I would kill for morning sickness, and swelling, and nausea right about now.)
I would tend to say I am not a jealous person. Your daddy and I have had an amazing life. I was raised by wonderful parents, married my high school sweetheart in a gorgeous location and went on a beautiful honeymoon. I get to wear my favorite wedding ring I've ever seen on my finger every day. We have an awesome house on a big piece of land. We've always loved every car we've ever driven. I have a degree and a great job. But gosh, this one thing that I want so badly I feel like everyone around me has. I'm praying every day that God would help me not to have jealousy towards these women. I also pray every day that if/when I am pregnant one day, I would be sensitive and loving towards those that are struggling. I want to be able to encourage people in the same way that I have been encouraged by so many.
Even as I type this, I know that it sounds like I am bitter and upset that I don't have what I want, when in reality I really am okay this month. But it's a daily battle of whether or not this will be our month. Whether this will be the month that we get to share our great news.
I've come to learn when talking to both friends that have struggled in this area, and friends that haven't, that its just not something that can be explained. Wanting a baby, and not having that desire filled comes with a set of emotions that are somewhat unexplainable. I've grown close to friends that are able to relate to this, and I've also been blessed by my fertile friends that I know are on their knees for me daily.
This is an emotional roller coaster that requires a close walk with God on a daily basis. As much as I wish I never had to go through this, I can now say that when its all said and done, I have a God that is more real to me now than ever before. He cares about what I'm going through, and for that I am eternally grateful.
P.S- We started working on the pallet wall in your room this past weekend! I really hope and pray that you're able to see it one day!
- Hi everyone! My name is Sarah, and I am a Christian, saved and sustained daily by my wonderful Savior. I am a wife to my high school sweetheart, Mitch; we got married at 19! I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, an aunt, a co-worker, and a woman that struggles with infertility. God has used this struggle to completely transform my life. I have experienced fear, hope, anxiety, compassion, trust, peace, tears, excitement, pain, laughter, and many other things that come with infertility. But most of all, I have a deeper trust and friendship with my Creator and my husband, and for this, I am forever thankful. The purpose of this blog is for me to remember the ups and downs of this trial, and how my Savior has brought me through it all. For those who have never struggled in this area, I hope this blog will help you see a glimpse into the life of someone struggling with infertility, so that you might better know how to encourage them through these difficult times. I also pray that this blog will help other women struggling in this area to know that you are not alone! There is a river of peace that is found in Christ that can help you through even the darkest of circumstances, I promise!