About Me

Hi everyone! My name is Sarah, and I am a Christian, saved and sustained daily by my wonderful Savior. I am a wife to my high school sweetheart, Mitch; we got married at 19! I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, an aunt, a co-worker, and a woman that struggles with infertility. God has used this struggle to completely transform my life. I have experienced fear, hope, anxiety, compassion, trust, peace, tears, excitement, pain, laughter, and many other things that come with infertility. But most of all, I have a deeper trust and friendship with my Creator and my husband, and for this, I am forever thankful. The purpose of this blog is for me to remember the ups and downs of this trial, and how my Savior has brought me through it all. For those who have never struggled in this area, I hope this blog will help you see a glimpse into the life of someone struggling with infertility, so that you might better know how to encourage them through these difficult times. I also pray that this blog will help other women struggling in this area to know that you are not alone! There is a river of peace that is found in Christ that can help you through even the darkest of circumstances, I promise!

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Tears, butter & sweet rolls

Baby,

Looks like we're going to have to wait at least another month before we get to meet you. Just wanted to share a little something about mommy, since you don't know me too well yet.

I am not a cryer. I don't cry. Ever. Well, not ever. But very, very rarely.

Since your daddy and I have been married, I can count on a handful of times that I have cried. I teared up on our wedding day when Pastor Michael talked about watching me grow up. I cried when grandma died, and I cry at times during praise and worship at church. Other than that, I don't cry.

Until now.

My emotions during this unexpected journey have been quite unexpected in and of themselves. I never knew this many tears could come out of me. It's not all the time, just when I start my period. Just when I get scared that I might not ever meet you. That it just might not be something that we will ever experience. Will I ever POAS (pee on a stick) and see two lines? Ever? Will I have to have a dreaded period every month for the rest of my life? Will I have to constantly see others get pregnant around me, and never get to have that joy for myself? Will I ever get to surprise daddy with this amazing news?

Now, let me tell you something about daddy. He is a funny guy. His #1 goal when I am upset, sad, crying, or even mad, is to make me laugh. He loves to make me laugh.

Last night, we were supposed to have aunt Hope and uncle Jordan over for dinner, so I went by Walmart on my way home and picked up a thing of Hawaiian sweet rolls. When I walked through the door I just lost it. Absolutely lost it. More tears than I have ever cried. Daddy hugged me, and tried to make me laugh, but it wasn't working.

I went into the kitchen to eat a sweet roll. Then I ate another, then another. Then daddy came in the kitchen and ate one, then another, and then another. By now, 6 of the 12 rolls are gone, and our friends weren't even there yet. Daddy looked at me, chuckled and said "Screw it, we're grieving, we're eating this whole pack of sweet rolls"

And we did. All 12 rolls, gone in under 2 minutes.

Then began our tradition. Daddy said that any time I started my period, I could just bring home a pack of sweet rolls and we will cry, and eat buttery sweet rolls until the whole pack is gone.

I pray I never have to bring home a pack of sweet rolls again, but if I do, your daddy is the only person in the world I would want to eat them with.

- mommy

Monday, January 13, 2014

You're going to have a cousin!

Baby,

Well, we found out last night that aunt Hope and uncle Jordan are going to have a baby! The baby will be born in September, and if that's when you come, then you will only be 2 weeks apart! But even if you don't come this month, as long as you come within the next 11 months, you will be able to be in the same grade. This would be so fun!

We pray for you every night. For you to come quickly, for God to save you young, and give you a husband/wife young too, just like mommy and daddy!

We can't wait to meet you, hoping it's some day soon!

- mommy

Monday, January 6, 2014

Today, I am hopeful

Baby,

Periods come and go (you'll learn one day), and then it's time to start "trying" again. Every month that comes, I figure out what day we would be able to meet you if we got pregnant this month. And what group of friends would you be in school with if we got pregnant this month. What day we would we be able to announce to our friends and family, and what day would we be able to find out whether your initials will be CBA or MRA. I have it all planned out, every month. As much as I try to just let go, and forget about wanting you, I just can't do it.

If we do get pregnant this month, we will be able to announce to everyone on our 5th anniversary! This would be so perfect! Then we would find out your gender right around daddy's birthday! You would be one of the oldest kids in your class, since you would be born in the beginning of October.

This would be such a perfect month! But I always hope and pray that God will give us the strength even if it isn't.

Here's to a new month!

-mommy

Friday, January 3, 2014

Periods suck, period.

Baby,

I don't even know where to begin, or if this is even a good idea, but I figured I will give it a shot. I have pictured you in my head for several years, ever since I married your daddy. The last 4 years of our lives though, I wanted your daddy all to myself. About a year ago we tossed around the idea of growing our family and finally meeting you, but we decided that we would wait until my 24th birthday to start trying. Long story short, I just couldn't get you out of my mind, and we made some changes to our insurance in the summer so that we could finally meet you once and for all!

I decided to stop taking birth control then, in hopes that we would be able to meet you 9 months after the day I stopped it! But, the road to meeting you hasn't been as simple and easy as we thought it would be, although I still feel like I am getting closer to you all the time.

We just got back from a little vacation to Tennessee and Kentucky, and for the 5th time now, I have had to deal with a day of the month that I used to look forward to. I used to rejoice and be excited when my period came, because we just weren't ready to meet you yet. But now, 5 times in a row, it has been the hardest day to swallow.

I know that God is teaching us something, and preparing us for whatever it is that He is doing with our lives. We are thankful that He knows exactly how this is all going to pan out. But I'm scared. I'm just flat out scared.

- mommy